I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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