Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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