if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
