I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
