Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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