Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
