I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
