I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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