tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
