I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
