based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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