Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
