We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize