i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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