non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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