I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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