do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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