I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
