I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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