i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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