Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
