Nicole vs. Life
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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