i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
