Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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