you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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