I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
