then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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