She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
