He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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