Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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