I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
