it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
