he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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