My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
