i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
