i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
