"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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