Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
