K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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