Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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