Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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