oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
