this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
