so that wasnt chicken after all
I faked an abortion last night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
