When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
