I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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