the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
