I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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