You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
