And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
