if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
