dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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