Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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