Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
