you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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