i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
