so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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