I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize