lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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